Clover Lane

Absolutely beautiful Sarah! So true and our society doesn't give that message. Thank for you being a wonderul advocate for Mothers! I wish I could meet you someday, I think you are amazing!

You are wonderful.

I feel exactly the same way about my babies, and staying with them.

What a wonderful message! It is just what I needed to hear today. Thank you. Your baby is beautiful.

Perfect!! I whole-heartedly agree and I love that you were brave enough to say it!! Being a stay at home mother IS a choice and a sacrifice-- but it is worth it! What job is more important?

I left my very well paid job to stay home. I made double what my husband did and people thought I was insane. I think there are many people that still think I am. II wish I could have read this then, hen I was doubting and scared. Thank you for writing this. I have never regretted my decision, just had to defend it often.

oh my yes. yes yes and yes. when i am old and grey i am completely certain my greatest accomplishments will wrapped up in people and hearts not titles or degrees. i love the janey pics keep em coming. :)

Love it, Love it, love it! This is what our country needs to know and understand to be better and happier. This is the focus the women in our society truly need - not a way to finally break through that glass ceiling. I am Mormon and our church is often criticized for this recommendation. I love to know that wise women of other religions see the value in protecting our most precious miracles. Love your blog and all your wise advice. Thanks so much!

I love this!!!! It is such a blessing to have the choice, and I've never regretted mine to stay home!

Oh, I love love love this!

Love this post! i left a great executive position at a fortune 500 company 8 years ago and never looked back! 5 kids later i haven't missed going into that office one single day. Yes, of course a second income would make things extremely comfortable around here...but i don't think we were put here to be super comfortable. the love and memories i've been able to share with my kids these past 8 years are priceless...i think more women need to speak out and redefine what "having it all" looks like.

Thank you so much for this beautiful message. It is so true, and really something I needed to read just now, as in this exact moment! Funny how God can place us in exactly the right place at the right time. Enjoy your sweet little baby girl.

Absolutely! Beautiful post. I feel the same way every time I look at my sweet little baby and her three siblings. I am crazy about them all and so lucky to get to spend my days with them.

She is just darling. I am so glad you are enjoying her, just as I am so glad my 2 oldest daughters are able to be home with their new babies. I worked part time as an OB nurse for the first 10 years of mothering. Even tho I only worked on my husband's days off, and he often brought the baby to nurse partway through my day, it was such a hard juggling act. I was so glad when we had our 5th child that I was able to be home full time... and have been from then on. Our youngest is now 7. I've halfheartedly tossed out the idea that maybe I could work a shift or two now and then. But my husband is opposed to it-- he loves having me home too.
Mary, momma to 10

Beautiful, perfect words from you. Thank you.

I just resigned from my job today to stay home with my 11 week old baby for good. This message could not have come at a better time.

wow! This is just beautiful!

www.thishappylittlehive.com

I read blogs regularly and never leave comments. But I just wanted to let you know that I LOVE your blog. I find it so inspiring and supportive. I also have teenagers in Catholic school and a toddler and a baby and I love what you write about parenting, keeping a house, finances, all of it. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there. And I love the Janey pictures. She is beautiful and will never get tired of seeing her. God bless!

Beautifully put and oh so true.
Follow your heart Mamma's, I know I did and have never once regretted staying home with my four little gorgeous ones.

i know i loved every second of it!
thank you for encouraging those who are feeling torn.
have a happy day sarah

I was always of the opinion that no one looks after your baby like you do. Why would you want some one else to bring them up?

I look forward to reading your blog every morning and have never commented before. But, I felt like this morning's post was speaking directly to me! Six years ago when my oldest son was born, my husband and I both felt that our finances meant me going back to work was a must. In my heart I had reservations, but I told myself that this was just what people did these days and that lots of kids went to daycare everyday, ours would too, and everything would be fine. After 4 months at home with my little one, I went back to work (as an elementary schoolteacher) and it was just awful. I don't think I will ever forget how wrong it felt to be leaving him on that first day or how many times he got sick. After 4 months without so much as a sneeze, he was suddenly sick all the time! Ear infections and stomach flu over and over again and then later more serious bronchitis and asthma, I exhausted my sick leave and then my husband did too. I felt like a terrible mother and a not-so-great teacher either (constantly tired from up-in-the-night sick baby and distracted with worry for him). Finally, my husband and I sat down together and decided that this could not go on. We accelerated paying off our car, he took extra courses in the evening to earn a promotion, and we cut out anything and everything extra (that gym membership that had seemed like such a must? Not nearly so important!) and at the end of the year I resigned. 5 years and another baby later we have never regretted our decision and only wish we had made it sooner. In the yeas that I have been at home, it has become so clear to me that no one can be there for my children like I can and that no job is as important as that of mom. I wish I had a read a post like this 6 years ago!

So well said. I struggle with the jealousy of when others are buying a bigger house and we had to downsize because of me staying home. But then I think how lucky I am to live a simple life, no rushing to and from work, and get to listen to the conversations of little ones all day long.

Preach it! I always figure I can get a job when they grow up, but I'll never get back the precious time I spent with my kids at home.

AMEN!!

So true! I also quit my job after our first son was born..it was a struggle financially at the time and even now we have had less fancy vacations and "toys" than other families but it has been so worth it. Now we have one son in his last year of university and the other in his last year of high school and I cannot believe how quickly they have grown up, so glad I didn't miss a moment of it!

Oh thank yu. So beautifully put and so very very true.

Thank you for this post. Someone (long before blogs existed) did the same for me, and it has made all the difference in my life, and the lives of my family.

You have a beautiful family, and such an obviously deep connection to them. Your clear love of your life rings through even the hard days. I so appreciate your blog.

I remember knowing all of the intricacies of each of my babies, but now that they're in school I feel like I don't know them that way anymore. Have you experienced that?

I've been home with my kids for ten years, but sometimes it felt like I didn't have a choice. It felt like our family couldn't afford for me to work. I don't mean that in a financial sense, though. It was dark and frustrating to feel trapped like that.

When you wrote about the pressure mothers feel these days to be both mother and worker, I wondered about the pressures on fathers. I wonder how they might feel to have society tell them over and over that they are only good for one thing - breadwinning - and that they have just an accessory role in their children's lives.

I have only daughters, but if I had sons I would wish that society's messages would tell them it's just as okay for men to be the primary parent as it is for women to be the primary breadwinner.

Oh yes! I am wasting my engineering degrees - big time. But I never look back on my education as a waste. It was a wonderful time of growth and learning. But deep in my heart I knew I wanted to be with my kids. It's part of the reason I decided not to pursue medicine. But I also made a decision as a 21-year-old that I had a long life ahead of me and I would have many "careers" during that journey. Now I'm still home with my teenagers and sometimes I think they need us just as much as babies do....I've had the opportunity to work some part-time and flexible jobs and have currently built up a small business that I am enjoying from home. But gosh am I happy I can do this because I don't know how I'd be managing a corporate job and all of the dr. visits I am making with some family medical issues. My husband and I made this decision early on - we saved and lived below our means. And we all benefit from a well-managed home and home-made meals. We are by no means perfect. And my kids have managed to get in plenty of trouble. But I'm so glad I'm here...

You speak from the heart. You speak truths. Sometimes they fit society, and most times not. I love that you spoke THIS particular truth because Moms *need* to hear this. Many, many, many, many Moms struggle with this silent battle and are too afraid to talk about it and then doubt themselves. Ultimately, we make a choice we can't undo. We can't get back the time we gave up.

Your posts about Janey (and pictures) are very inspiring. My third child (my only girl with two bigger brothers, ages 5 &3) is two weeks younger than Janey. I am GREATLY encouraged when you post pictures and stories about her. I really, truly am. I love to hear about how she isn't *always* a ball of sunshine and that she needs some extra care at times. I love that she doesn't smile ALL the time, as my little girl doesn't either and I thought something was wrong...haha. I also LOVE when she is sleeping peacefully in the Bjorn or in her sling, and when does smile her precious smile!! It gives Moms, like me, hope and encouragement. I am not alone. I am *not* alone. My child is not "wrong" just because she cries some, or doesn't smile all the time, or wants/needs me more than expected. Most blogs make it seem like their child has a smile on their face at all times and never cries.

Thank you for sharing her. Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for sharing your family.

Thank you, Sarah! Even though it's been 5 years and three babies since I made the choice to stay at home with my children, as a mommy to littles whose friends are mostly making another choice, this was encouragement that I needed.

Thank you Sarah! Months ago I emailed you that I was thinking about leaving my job and you took the time to send a very encouraging response. I DID IT! I left in July and have not looked back! My "babies" are 8, 4 and just turned 2. I never felt the pull to be home while they were infants - I think I needed the work for myself and I did feel that they were well taken care of in my situation and that I didn't really miss out on our bond. I nursed all of them for a about 8 months which was hard, but so worth it. I started feeling the pull when my oldest started school -- things just started to get more complicated and I wanted to be there for her for her extracurriculars, emotionally, etc. It got stronger when I had my 3rd baby and now here I am! I am so grateful for your inspiration. And, I am thinking about having a 4th now too - in my "old" age...ha! :) I love reading your blog! Please don't stop!!!

Friends used to say how lucky I was to be able to stay home with our babies (my husband had a good job), but my response was that even if he didn't, we'd move into a one-bedroom apartment to do so. Staying home wasn't an easy choice because we were comfortable, it was the ONLY choice for me. It's not always easy and there are times you lose a bit of yourself. But that little bit gets poured into your child. It's certainly not wasted:-).

Preach it, sister! I "wasted" my degrees and career success staying home with my girls. All I can say is that when you get them grown, walking with the Lord, happy, smart, confident, brave... those years you "wasted" seem like the blink of an eye. You go, girl. :)

I love all your posts, I am also a mother of 6, that rang form 14 to 4 months. I can't image not staying home with them. I feel like I would miss so much. It is something me and my husband desided on years ago, that I would be in the home and he would work. I have never regreated it.

This made me emotional. I hope it reaches so many women that struggle witht this very issue.
What a great post! Thank you, Sarah. Amen to everything you wrote.
Please, keep pictures of Janey comin'..we all love her!

I certainly felt called to stay home with my kids when they were babies and so glad we could make it work financially. My youngest now three and I started back to work as a school social worker part time. I do feel called to my work, too. I do believe that God can call us to a variety of work- and mothering, obviously, never stops.
Blessings to you and your beautiful family!

Amen Sarah!!!! I left my job 10 year ago and never looked back!! I feel very blessed to be able to do it. When we ran the numbers, we realized that by the time we paid for daycare, gas, lunch money, clothing, etc, I wouldn't bring home enough money to justify the working and being miserable. So we cut a few meals out and changed our ways a bit. And it was sooo worth it!!! God has blessed us these 10 years and I wouldn't trade one moment with my babies that are now 10 and 6. Will I go back one day?? I'm not sure. Growing up, it was such a comfort to know that if I got sick at school, my mom was only 5 minutes away. I love that my kids know that now. As they get closer to middle school, I'm not even sure about going back then. As they get older, I think they need to know that you are there for them then also. Too many latch-key kids in the world with too many temptations when parents aren't home. Just my opinion!! Thanks for your always-inspiring posts. I love to read your blog in the mornings with my coffee!! God bless you and your family!!

Fantastic post. It is true. And it is something that strikes a nerve as I constantly defend my "status" as a stay-at-home Mom. It took my five years not to say "I just stay home". What I do now is so much more important. Thank you for your blog. I respect you as a mother more than just about any one else out there.

Beautifully put Sarah!!! Its one thing I will never ever ever regret! those baby days were mine! all six of them, toddler days too! I too would just get sick at the thought of leaving them. I too feel so bad for moms who have to leave their tiny baby! I felt so blessed to have the choice!

Beautiful post! My heart broke as I read it because I was one of those who had to work, no choice. It made me sick to my stomach too to have to had my baby over to another person, especially a stranger. So I became an in home child care provider. Still wasn't perfect but at least I was home with my babes. As it turns out 22 years later I'm still doing it. Hopefully, I can give another young mom who is going through what I had to some peace that her babe is in good and loving hands. Though I totally agree, I will never be as good as having "Mommy".

Please don't stop posting pics of Janey!! They brighten my day, I look forward to them and I love seeing her adorable little face. So please, keep posting!! (and of course all the great pics of your other children too)

Your friend in CO,
Amy

I love his post. I needed it. Thank you!!!

I love this so so so much Sarah. Ive just graduated from university and i am looking for a job. Everyone and their brother keep asking me what i REALLY want to do. I would always say "i want to be a mom, i want to stay home with my kids when i have them" the eye rolls, the chuckles and the sighs have caused me to second guess my calling. This post has reaffirmed everything for me. Thank you for being such a dedicated momma. you are suck an inspiration, even to those of us still waiting for our babies

Amen!!!!

Amen! I am so lucky to be able to stay home with my kiddos-we sacrifice a lot so I can do it! We don't take fancy vacations, I don't get my nails done or wear expensive make-up or clothes....but it is all so worth it. I never feel like I am wasting my degree, being a mom is the MOST important job in the world (in my opinion)!

Yes, yes, and yes. God bless you.

So true. Us moms NEED, we NEED reminders that staying home is a good decision and doable! I had to work for a several months after baby #1. I started back PT, then when I had to go FT it just about killed me! Leaving my boy 10 hours a day was hard. I finally told my husband I couldn't do it. I just couldn't!! He agreed and doubled up his hours. Shortly after I quit his long awaited job offer was finally approved by a new company and we were in the budget "safe" zone again. Godly timing :) I have 3 now in elementary school all day - That pressure to go back to work returned with a vengeance. Not from hubby, but from other moms, media, and myself. Blah! I tried the work at home thing, the work part time thing, the work full time thing. Then I asked myself if the $ really made an ACTUAL difference AND if I was taking care of myself and my kids in a healthy way. The $ wasn't great, the busyness was way too hectic. All because I felt I "should" be making a "productive" contribution to the family. Now I don't "work" and I'm SO GLAD. I took me years to realize what was right for me. Great but tough decision. I did finally have to listen to my mommy gut :) Now I can do house/errand/help at school stuff etc. during the day and I have the emotional/physical energy to spend on my family in the afternoon and evening. I'm happier, they are happier, we have balance. Yeah! STILL I sometimes feel internal conflict about being at home when I could easily return to work. BUT then I remember that for the first time in 5 years we have our family balance back - WE are a much more healthy and happy family living this way. I still have to listen to my heart. I have friends who work PT, FT, from home etc. and many of them do fabulous. I just wanted to throw out another "it's OK to stay at home" message for other moms who have kids in school all day. It is definitely the right decision for us (even though I have to occasionally remind myself).

Just beautiful! Thank you so much for such lovely words. When I had my first child I was working full-time and my husband had graduated from college 4 days before I delivered. We didn't have a job lined up for him and thought I should return but really didn't want to. I had a co-worker who when asked "how is work going today?" always replied "oh, same stuff, different day..." I decided that I simply couldn't leave my miracle for "same stuff... different day." We didn't have a steady job until my son was 6 months old and we barely had enough to eat but I would NEVER change any of it. Thank you!

Amen Sister! It reminded me of this...

"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much as sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution. Women of God know this."
Neal A Maxwell

I have been a long-time reader of your blog, and I love hearing about (and seeing!) your beautiful family and reading your realistic words of inspiration. I felt compelled to respond for the first time ever today because, as passionate as you feel about a mother’s place in the home with her family, I feel that you should also have the response of a working mother who is completely fulfilled by her family AND by her career. My husband and I made the choice for me to continue working after the birth of our first child, and I will remain a full-time working mom after our second child joins our family this January. After months of careful consideration, we found a sitter who adores our child like a member of her own family, and I’ve been able to adjust my work schedule so that my husband and I are still able to spend quality time together as a family every single day: to have dinner together every night, to have joint play-time and snuggle-time and even mommy-daddy-time in the evening. I know that I am a better mother because of my choice to continue working; I remain educated, engaged, and impactful in the world outside my family, and I am happy! As you suggested in your post: “Listen to your heart.” I did. As a result of my (and my husband’s) commitment, we have an incredibly healthy, happy, and well-adjusted toddler and a beautifully strong family unit that is the heart and soul of our lives together. Please, to you and all your readers, know that staying at home with your children is not the only option. I can say with all honesty that I have never regretted my desire to continue working. For me and my husband, our family is thriving because of our choices, and we will all continue to do so.

That is my biggest regret in life! Was leaving my baby, first born and only child in daycare from 8-5 every week day for the first 15 months of her life. I was 20 years old and didn't know what I was doing, I was overwhelmed with hormones, instincts and emotions that I didn't know how to respond to. So much discomfort and anxiety filled me daily. Then, I didn't know I had a choice to stay home I thought would be selfish, besides I was in daycare as a young child so I didn't know any different and was too young to have any experience or knowledge of motherhood. I finally chose to put motherhood first and spent every day with my child until her first day of Kindergarten this fall, even now I only work the hours she is at school so I can still be there for her. I wish I had this blog in my life five years ago and I hope it will encourage so many other young mothers as it does me.

I've never commented either, but your words are so perfectly put today, it was a must! Beautifully said. Made me feel just a little bit more appreciated and vital in my role as Mom. Thank you. And I don't mind looking at beautiful Janey, she is a gorgeous baby!

Janey is precious...keep those photos coming. Loved the post and how respectful you were of others' positions. Obviously, each scenario brings it's own considerations. I am/have been for 15 years of marriage and 7 children a mom who stays home and I am grateful/blessed to be able to do so. I agree that it is best when possible and I'd venture to take a sock at my jaw or two to say it is more possible that most people want to believe. It sometimes takes "drastic" sacrifices if it is worth it to you and you have the desire, but is your child not worth it??? I recently read or heard from someone a comment on human external gestation and how critical it is for the development of the child and the bonding between child/mother...and I think there was a comparison bwtn humans and all other animals and our 'maternity leave'/back to work time period. How anticlimactic is it for me to mention without any details, but there goes my brain these days. Another point, however, is what John Paul II coined as the "Feminine Genius". I read his "Letter to Women" and I thought he beautiful addressed each calling/job in life and explained 'vocation'. I have never had a desire to work full-time, but my sister, with a different temperament than mine has and is probably better as a wife and mother and friend b/c she works. However, She stayed home until her youngest was in school. I cannot quite reconcile that it truly is best for the baby, mother or family with daycare if there is a choice. I enjoy discussing this with my working friends and I appreciate the mutual respect we have for each other though we differ. blah, blah, blah...loved your post.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I love this post, and appreciate the values you share through your blog. I've been so immensely blessed that my husband has had occupations that have not required me to work to meet our needs. I'm pregnant with our 4th little sweet one, and this post makes me SO excited to meet him/her and get to know another member of our family :) Thank you for sharing :)

don't apologize for baby pics...who doesn't love looking at babies?

very sweet post. janey is adorable.

yes, yes, yes! I am in complete agreement with you. Babies need their mommies and no one else can care for them like their mommies. Thank you for being brave enough to write this -this message is rare indeed. I am so thankful that I have made the choice to stay home with my three girls... many days are hard, but it's so worth the sacrifice.

Thank you also for your blog. I always find inspiration from your parenting approach and the simple way you live.

Beautifully said, Sarah! Janey is beautiful, too!

This post brought tears to my eyes and I DO get to stay home with my babies. What a great reminder of *why* I do it!! Love this line "The bond between mother and baby deserves so much more respect than what society throws its way". How sadly true it is!

I love your blog. I've been reading your blog for awhile now but have never commented. You're an inspiration to many women. I identified so much with your blog post today that I had to comment. Thank you. (Oh, and I wrote about you on my own blog). From another stay-at-home mom but in Canada.

beautiful stuff
makes me miss my babies so much
6 years goes so fast

your past encouragements helped me make the decision to stay at home with my babies. Thank you for your positive attitude! Keep up the good work!

Thank you I couldn't agree more. I'm so glad I get to stay home with my babies. Yes the budget is tight and ever stressful, but no one can take care of my babies better than me, and I love being here with them!

I feel like clapping for you! I left my teaching job with amazing benefits 3 years ago when my son was born and I have never looked back. God has always, always, always taken care of us financially. There were days when I cried my eyes out over money but guess what? We drive old cars and we have a small house but we are happy and all our needs (and more) are always met. The thought of leaving my son with anyone else made my stomach turn just like you said. I love your blog and your candidness! :)

You hit the nail on the head. Again! The plan was for me to return to work after our first daughter was born and I cried every time I thought about leaving her. She was colicky and I couldn't imagine leaving her screaming with someone else. Staying at home is a tough, tough job, but SO worth it!

This post makes me cry because I was one of those women who HAD to go back to work when each of my 4 babies were about 8 weeks old. Thankfully, they had the next best thing: their dad. He LOVES infants and delighted in all their smiles and coos and took excellent care of them. But finally, I couldn't take it anymore and told him he would have to go work full time so I could stay home just last year. It's been difficult financially, but I certainly don't regret it! At least I can enjoy my two little ones as they're toddlers.

On a side note, I have a question for you about nursing. With those three growing (and questioning) boys at home, how do you handle nursing Janey in front of them? Do you cover up, or go in a different room? Does it make them uncomfortable at all? just curious.

I couldn't agree more! Do we work to live or live to work? Nothing wrong with a good job, but man, what a sacrifice when chosen over spending this fleeting, precious, time with your baby. I spent all of it with mine and still it went too fast! Society has believed too many lies when it comes to what things are true treasures. Babies are top of the list in my book!

I enjoy your perspective on life and look forward to your posts!

I LOVED this! I have a 3 month old and feel so blessed to have been able to be home with him and also my 3 older kids. Thank you for sharing! I love the way you express yourself.

My 4 yo twins say absolutely NOT too many photos of Janey. And I agree. My gaze goes right to her newborn eyes even if she's smiling.

This is the best use of my education--raising smart children is underrated.

You have such a way with words.... and I appreciate it. Sadly, I am not able to stay at home and I carry guilt every day. I feel like less of a mom. Yesterday I had a mom of seven yell at me that I was shirking my responsibilities because I am not staying at home. She called me an irresponsible mother. She told me that if we couldn't afford to have me home, we should have never had children. She said, as did other posters, that when there's a will, there's a way. I challenge women to acknowledge that there is math involved... we drive old cars, we don't go on vacations, we don't eat meals out, we cut major expenses... but we had an expensive path to parenthood (infertility and adoption), and my husband is a Catholic school teacher. Living on his salary would mean we'd be living below poverty level (noble profession but grossly underpaid). These decisions don't come easy to many families. We've come up with the best solution we can by splitting schedules and limiting the hours that our girls without one of us at home but it kills me to know that I am the best caregiver for my babies but at this time it's not a possibility. In my community, I feel judged on a regular basis. My point in posting is to remind readers that there are some working moms that go to work heart broken and feeling guilty who lead good but meager lives. It's not always about wanting bigger homes, fancier cars, and nicer clothes... sometimes it's about responsible math and making the most of a difficult situation. I wish, as a sisterhood of moms, women would restrain from jumping to conclusions on both sides of the equation.

Sarah, thank you for raising your brave voice.

I know that some women simply cannot afford to stay at home with their babies, and I want to bless them--never to judge, never to question their motives, certainly never to condemn them. Some of the best mothers I've ever known are working mothers, and I salute them for working so hard. I also worry about them, for many of them are running themselves absolutely ragged.

But you are right about our society. There is now tremendous pressure on women--particularly on well-educated, intelligent women--to get "back to work" ASAP after having a baby. The message is that taking care of their babies is something that's worth paying an uneducated caregiver to do, but would be a waste for a well-educated woman. This is terribly sad.

Yes, there are sacrifices involved in staying at home with one's children. I tend to believe that the sacrifices are fewer than we sometimes think, because having a parent dedicated to being at home can pay off hugely in the peacefulness of a home. But the bottom line is that the sacrifices are worth it, and women need to hear that message spoken kindly but firmly. Thank you for being that kind but firm voice.

I seldom comment, but I want to let you know that I am (currently) a working non-mom. I'm 27, not married, not pregnant, no kids. I think I'll work when I have kids. BUT what you've written couldn't be truer - there is NOTHING more in life than life - those lives you create with babies. So I know that I will listen to my heart - and what I might say now with my head, and what I do when I do have babies, may be entirely different. Thanks for helping me see that (again?).

The world needs this kind of post printed in all the major newspapers and taught in every high school and college. Excellent!
Your little Janey might want to buy something from this shop for her airing-out times!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/RachelDenise

This post HAS to go up on your popular posts (please :). I've had so many discussions with people on this same subject - and have struggled with it myself. I hope it influences people in a way that they take a second look at what they're doing. I wish I had earlier! THANK YOU!! Your posts are always encouraging, whether they're labeled that way or not :) And I look forward to Janey pictures; she's the cutest little baby!

Beautifully said. I am a stay at home mom and my kids are all in school all day. I am constantly being asked when I will get a job. I love being home when they need me and when they walk in the door after school. I loved rocking each of my babies and enjoy chatting with my big kids, it is just as important. I only wish others could know the how much it means to me to be "just a mom."

Wishing I could be so lucky to be a stay at home mom...but with a catholic school teacher for a husband, 5 kids, and student loans, we wouldn't even be able to feed and shelter our family. You moms that can afford to stay at home please pray for us that can't and desire it more than anything.

Being stay at home Momma has truly brought me the most joy! Now, as a Gramma, certainly a little older and wiser, my advise to you is, treasure each day with your babies, even if they're 35, 32, and 28! Treasure each day with your grand babies, they grow up so quickly!

Family is a gift from God . . . And don't forget to treasure your husband, time flies by so quickly. Make the most of everyday by loving and caring for your precious family!

This is a wonderful post! I was able to stay home with our son as long as I wanted. Was it easy financially? My, no! But it was something my husband and I both wanted. I'm grateful beyond measure. When my son started second grade, I went back to work part time, around our school day hours. A good fit! Now as my son has entered 11th grade, it is time to be home again, and it is once again something both my husband and I want. Has my degree gone to waste? Heavens no! I was able to re enter the field without any issues and any lag was quickly sorted out and I was up to speed! We are interesting and dynamic people, that doesn't change! I encourage all moms to follow their hearts with their families... The days sometimes are long but the years are short. Cherish!

Thank you so much for sharing this. Mom's need their babies just as much as babies need there Mom's. Janey is adorable.

My husband and I don't have kids yet, so I guess my perspective doesn't really count. But my husband wants to be a stay-at-home Dad and I know he would bounce on a ball, air out a bum for 10 minutes, wear a sling for 6 hours a day, and be an amazing parent, just like I would hope to be. I definitely think that once we have a baby in our arms I may feel that pull to stay at home too, but I also have work outside the home that I'm passionate about. And I truly don't believe I will be a worse mom for choosing to go back to work or that I'll regret it.

I enjoy your blog so much and I think it's wonderful encouragement to follow your heart.

I just had a play date the other day with a mom who cut the family income in half after their second child was born- she told me she literally had a nervous breakdown when she was eight months pregnant with her daughter because she felt physically ill at the thought of having to leave another baby with someone else all day. I had seen this woman on and off for years at various kid stuff before finally getting to know her, and had always thought, "Man, that woman is always smiling!" Now I know why. She knows how much what she's doing matters, and she enjoys it even when it means a tight budget.
It's not for EVERY mom, I suppose, but I do think most women would choose to stay with their babies if they didn't feel pressure.

First, I love Janey pictures...that face is precious.

This has always been such a controversial topic. My heart aches for those mothers who simply cannot stay at home, they are being responsible parents, providing shelter, food and clothing for those precious babies. My mom worked as a nurse. She did her best to work around our schedules, working when we could be in the care of our father. But, a lot of the time we were in the care of our grandparents. I was so grateful for them, and truly blessed by getting to know them. Unfortunately, many families these days do not live close by.
I am glad I chose to stay home. I blinked and my girls were grown. I had both of them young (21 and 25). They are young adults now, I am 44. There is plenty of time left for that career if I chose to go back. But, they will never be that age again.

I think you make a wonderful point, however, I am sharing my opionion because I am a working mom by choice. Could my family get by if I stayed at home? Yes. But would I be as good of a mom? I dont' really think so. You see, I teach in a low-income public school, and while my job is incredibly hard, it's also tremendously rewarding. I come home tired, but ready to give my kids my full attention, even if that's only for four hours of the day. They get me 100% in the summer, and although they are young (2, 4, & 7), my oldest in particular seems to understand that my job allows me to help not only our family, but the kids I teach, too. It's not always easy...as a matter of fact, I'd say the easy choice would be to stay home, but for our family it works and we are very happy!

Please excuse my typos :) I was trying to hurry so I could play "Sorry" with my 4-year-old!

Wonderful post....I wholeheartedly agree.

THANK YOU! Just the reminder I needed this week. I went back to work full-time when our first was 4 months old, but quit a teaching career that I loved just before our second girl was born. It's hard. Very hard financially, but incredibly worth it. Even on the hard days. So, thank you for the reminder of why I quit -- I followed my heart! Your words are truly a blessing.

My bible study group spoke about this 2 weeks ago! I worked my son's first year as a teacher in a low income school as well as Katie above. I thought it was the perfect balance until I received a video on my phone of my child taking his first steps across the babysitters front yard while I ate lunch in the teacher's lounge. I will never ever forget the way my heart sank. I quit that year. What a blessing it has been for me, my child, and most importantly my marriage ! To any working mom I say please reconsider!!

Exactly Sarah. I had to work until my boys were 3 and 1 and then have been happily home for the past nine years...adding two girls to the mix along the way. I do home daycare to earn the extra we need (my husband is a teacher). As a home daycare provider I honestly can say I love my daycare kids. I would do anything for them and I do truly enjoy them. BUT, I am not their mother. No one loves your children like you do. It's just not possible. I am glad I have the opportunity to be a daycare provider as it provides income for my family but I feel badly for the kiddos who are at my house 9+ hours a day...especially when their moms pick them up a bit tired and crabby :(

Beautiful Post...thanks for sharing! I couldn't agree more! Babies are such a GIFT!!
Sally

Thank you! So well said. And this is exactly how I felt/feel and why I am still at home "wasting" my degree and professional licensure.... And yes, it is, by far, the hardest job I have ever had.

As a new mom, I instantly knew that I alone was the ONLY one who could take the best care of my baby. It took me a while to even trust my husband :) I finally came to the conclusion that "daddies do it differently."

Well, this post makes me want to have another baby. Darn you, Sarah!!

I was totally blessed to be at home for 16 years with our four children. Now, I work, but only part time while they are in school. I am right there with you. I cannot imagine leaving my baby!! However, my babies did cry it out quite a bit--and they all survived and even thrived! But that's a whole 'nother post, I suppose! wink wink

Enjoy that sweet baby!

Amen! What every mother needs to hear!

Thank you for your words. They came at the perfect time.

This is so true.

I went back to work when my twins were 16 months and I can admit now that it was just an "escape" mechanism. I bought into all the lies of "I need to spend time with adults", "I'll commit career suicide if I don't go back", and "I'll develop 'mommy brain' and turn to mush if I don't 'use my talents'". Blah, blah, blah! LIES.

I came to my senses when they turned 3, and I was facing a looming divorce and a broken family. Quitting my successful career was one of the first things I did.

I spent the next few months learning how to be domestic and realizing that what I thought was happy (while working), wasn't really all that happy! It was just survival. My marriage was reconciled a year later and now, 3 years later, is better than ever. Not only do I get to enjoy the time I have with the people I love, I also get to do a lot of hobbies and things that I would never have had the time for. It's a win-win!

Thank you. There is no greater joy than staying home and being mommy to my 4 kids! I have been a SAH mom 4 22 years and while sometimes I feel guilt from working friends I would not change a thing!

{tears}

What a beautiful post. You were meant to be a mom, and she is so lucky to have you.

What a sweet sweet face.

I feel so blessed that I have been able to stay at home. Something I know many don't get to choose. We really are blessed.

This post was magnificent and straight from the heart. I agree whole-heartedly. When we had our first baby, Jackson, I left my well paying job to be home. Jeff's resident salary was 1/2 what mine was. It was scary. I had dear friends who let me clean their house for extra money. I wouldn't trade those days for anything.

Thank you...

just discovered your blog tonight via Elizabeth Foss' sidebar. Love it!

Great post! And so true, babies want their Mama, not a substitute. I have 6 children and have stayed home with all of them (my youngest is 4 mo.). I love that I don't miss a thing, and care for their every need. My mother worked while I was growing up. I was in a daycare situation from 6 wks old till I started school. It was very difficult for me. I remember thinking as a young child that when I grew up I would stay home with my children. It's so important. Thank you for your honesty here.

Thank you so much for this wise and timely post Sarah. I have been home with our daughter for 4 glorious years. There is no job on earth that could make me want to leave her in the care of someone else, even my own mother. I feel very blessed that my husband believes so strongly in mothers staying home with their children. When she starts kindergarten next fall, I will be heartbroken for this chapter with her to come to an end. But I thank God everyday for the opportunity to have been present for all of her firsts and to form such a strong bond with her.

I agree with you 110%. And I thought you worded this post very nicely.

i love this!

Totally agree!

I am currently working as an RN, trying to put my husband through dental school. We have an 18-month old. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old. About 2 months ago I was having some very strong feelings that I needed to stay home with her. The original plan was that I would work until my husband was done. I actually found your blog looking for cleaning tips to help me prioritize and clean while still working full time. I worked three 12-hour night shifts a week. Your blog confirmed my feelings of needing to stay home with my baby (who is not really a "baby" anymore!) I need to keep working at least part-time while he is in school, but after lots of prayers, I did drop my hours from those three 12's to one 12-hour shift and one 8-hour shift. I've been at it for 2 weeks and the difference is amazing. I have already a couple hard days, but the majority are WONDERFUL days and I honestly do not know how I did it before. This post is exactly what I needed to read to know that my decision was the right one! Thank you for your blog and your family is adorable!

Years ago when I was a newly married teacher who was bless to work with the most amazing woman. She used tell me stories about the days she spent at home raising her girls while her husband, also a teacher, took the only car to work. She grew her own vegetables, made her own bread and did without a car to stay home for 10 years and raise her daughters and she was the whisper in my ear when i found out I was pregnant with my first. Now, 13 years later I realize that staying home with my children is was the best choice for me! I don't regret a second and I am so grateful I didn't have to go the daycare route. I am never one to get into a debate about who's right, the stay at home Mom or the working Mom...as long as I got to do what I wanted I was happy. It's not something you can explain to anyone, you just have to know in your gut that it's what you need to do. You said it so well! Thank you for giving women a wonderful, eloquent perspective! Now, go enjoy that beautiful baby girl! :)

Mothering is the highest calling and the hardest but I am so blessed to be home w/ mine.... Would not of traded it for all the riches in the world! Can't ever get these moments back! How's Patrick with all the changes!???

Very well put, thank you very much. I just finished reading the book "The flipside of feminism" which reinforced what you posted about as well as many other points. The "job" of running a household and raising young children is not valued as it once was.

We just started fostering and the first baby we received was a 10 day old baby girl! She weighed just barely 5lbs and there she was, in our home. We met every need all through the night, carried her most of the day and basically spoiled her. I would think about her real momma and would only pray that she would be getting this much attention. We had her for 3 months and we gave her back to grandma (that was TOUGH!). Meeting baby's needs is what we did with our babies and this is what we will do with any other baby. It is proven that if they do not make this connection in the beginning , these babies will grow up with attachment disorders. They need to be nurtured by a consistent face and voice and environment. Messing with that leaves a child LESS confident. I truly feel more convicted about that more than ever because of watching now our 3rd little girl come in our care. God Bless You!

Oh Sarah, You make my mornings. My little girl only lasted one day in daycare. I just couldn't leave her with someone else -- especially after almost losing her during birth. There have been many days I've missed the security of my income, but never any days that I question how she is being raised.

Thank you for saying what a lot of us believe.

Thanks for saying what I, myself, couldn't put into words. I don't have any children yet but my identical twin sister had her first baby 4 weeks ago. I never knew how strong my love would be for her kids, but it's made me realize I want nothing more than to stay home with my kids to raise them.

Oh my gosh Janey is soo soo cute!

Thanks for posting this! Someone eluded to me this very thing recently, using the exact words "waste your degree"....I just don't feel that way! I feel like I am even more equipped for my Blaze due to my degree. I am a well rounded person who experienced travel, education, a myriad of friends, singing, sports, etc. in the form of higher education. I have an awareness of what it means to work hard to achieve goals. My Blaze will be all the better for it!

This is a lovely post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your heart. I whole-heartily agree!

You are brave. Thank you for posting this! You have a strong voice that needs to be heard. I share your love of mothering, your love of your husband, and your constant effort to focus on what really matter (and unfortunately, I also relate to your debilitating morning sickness with your pregnancies!). Keep on keeping on lady. Love your blog!

Amen! It was so difficult for me after my first to finally make the decision to not go back to work. I really intended to go back, but just couldn't after she was born. She was not the world's easiest baby, and I just couldn't stand the thought of someone else caring for her. Would they become frustrated with her crying and feeding issues? I couldn't stand the thought. That was 8 years ago and I'm just now re-entering the workforce on a very part-time basis. I didn't waste my degree at all. I'm still a professional and am treated as such at work. I pick and choose when I work and how often. It's the best of both worlds and I couldn't be happier with the situation. That being said, if it becomes too much I'll stay home again in a heartbeat.

Thank you for saying those words that are often avoided! I am a young mother who chose to stay home with our first child -and best surprise ever- and will stay home with our next. Our circumstances are changing -my husband is (horray) leaving the Marine Corps and I know times may be harder than we have experienced so far.

So often my close friends and family ask "When will you go back to teaching?" and "will you get a job to help?" Of course I will get a part time job to help with finances if we need to, but I always reply that I don't plan to return to teaching until my children are grown. I am like you - my heart would break.

I love raising my daughter. I love that she can sleep when she is tired, heal when she is sick, eat when she is hungry, and know that mommy is nearby when needed.

My heart breaks for my friends who pick their children up at 5 pm. My toddler strives in the morning and 4-7 pm slides downhill to bed time. I know my husband, and my friends, don't get to experience with their children what I do with mine.

I have never felt rewarded from my B.S. or M.S. like I do at home, with my daughter and I cannot wait to rock our newest baby and know I will have every day with it, too!

Thank you for sharing your experiences with new moms!

I am a new mom and this post was just what I needed to read today. Thank you. I stay home with our son, and times are tough and money is tight. It seems that everyone around me is flashing their new boots and shiny cars while I stuck with gray roots and a dumpy wardrobe. And sometimes it hard. But what a wonderful reminder of what is truly important: my baby. Who will soon be grown and gone. Thank you. And you could never post too many pictures of that sweet baby girl of yours - she is darling :)

I posted yesterday as someone who needs to work.... I said how said it can make me at times.... But I keep coming back to read comments. Two things struck me about your reader's posts:
1- How respectful and honest they are... regarding a topic that often gets heated and ugly. You seriously have the best group of readers ever :)
2- Women who work feel judged.. and women who don't work feel judged. I felt alone feeling less than/judged by SAHMs because I have to work...so it was interesting that my working counterparts have made SAHMs question their choice. Ridiculous, isn't it! These women who are judging us regardless of our position have to a sad group of women w/not much else to do. I am all for the sisterhood of moms appreciating our differences and lifting one another up as much as we can regardless of what we do.

I completely agree with you and my heart aches every time I leave them in the morning at daycare.They are 4 and 3 and i still cry on most days when I leave them. I didn't have a choice after my divorce. I just want women to know that you can still have an incredible bond and know all of your kids quirks and intracacies even when you have to be away from them. I'm not upset but just please know that for some women it isn't a choice. You are amazingly blessed.

AMEN!! I stayed home with my 3 and would not have changed it for the world. Not only do babies need their mommy's but so do high school kids and all ages in between. I thank god every day that I had a husband who appreciated my staying home and tried very hard to make sure that I knew it. My kids are all in college now and I miss those days!

what you have written is not anti-feminist, it is new feminism. look, I hate that word, but there IS a new movement underway. to stay home. it's gaining steam in Australia. I could not agree more with this post... I am a mom to two sweet babies and a grad student in social policy... I don't care if I have to live in a cardboard box... I will not outsource the care of my girls, hopefully not until they are THREE years old. Canada pays for one year of maternity leave, but after that, babies are still too young and the push is ECONOMIC to get women back to work, spending and paying taxes. All this is at a cost. Good for careers? Good for the economy?

What about the CHILDREN?

there is a book Sarah, I would be thrilled if you looked at it... it echoes your argument perfectly and may help others...


Raising Babies: Why Your Love is Best, by
Steve Biddulph. PhD.
http://www.amazon.com/RAISING-BABIES-STEVE-BIDDULPH/dp/0007221924

incredible book. Great post!

So beautiful, thank you. This is EXACTLY how I feel but was hard for me to articulate. I love your blog and as a new mom with a 3 year old who sometimes overwhelms me, I like getting some inspiration here. God bless you and your family!
holly

I respect your opinion, but I'm a better mother for having a fulfilling career. You do what is right for you and your family personally. My children always come first and I am raising my daughter to know that she will have choices on this matter to, and there is no right or wrong way to do it.

You keep posting pictures of Janey...I love every one. This was beautiful and from the heart. I enjoyed reading the comments just as much as the post.

Read this to my husband this evening.
Looove the Janey photos.....love to see such a confident mother.

My babies are all grown, some with babies of their own. We didn't travel much, didn't own a boat or drive nice cars. But boy do I have fantastic relationships with awesome people who are grateful for the sacrifices their father and I made so I could stay home and be their mom. Lucky me.

Your blog is beautiful and thank you for sharing your story. I really enjoy reading your updates.
I do feel obligated to comment on this post. You have mentioned in previous posts' that you had your first child at 25 and never had a career prior to that. I wonder then if you fully understand the choice a woman who has a thriving
professional career needs to make when she decides to start a family.
I have experienced great success in my professional work and I have a 15 month old daughter I adore. I think we should be celebrating the choices women have today- not passing judgement on them. Perhaps if you had experienced a more rewarding career at some
point in your life your perspective would be different. Will you discourage your daughters from pursuing a work and family balance?
It's a tough decision every woman has to make but let's celebrate and
respect each other instead of casting doubt.

This post made me cry!!! I am a mother of 7 and grandmother of 14 I was a stay-at-home mom and have NEVER regretted it! I appreciate your strong voice in favor of motherhood! Good for you and good for all you courageous young mothers who choose to do what no one else in the world can do!!! Bravo!

Thank you. I am "wasting the degree" while still paying for it. And probably will be paying for it for a while longer. But I love spending more time with my kids. Most people ask me if I miss my "glamorous" job. Nope. Not one tiny bit. Although I have to admit I miss going to the bathroom by myself :)

All of us moms deserve a cheering section, don't we? No matter what our choices?

I'm a stay at home mom of a 5 and 3 year old and I've been so fortunate to have this time with my kiddos. I'm also grateful that our society is beginning to support the choice of whether to work or stay home as a mom (or dad).

Love this!!! I can't tell you the number of times--strangers have said to me---it's obvious you stay home with your children. There is a difference in children raised by mothers and daycare. These aren't my words, but words of others.

What a precious picture!

I'm a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. Seven children. Don't regret it one bit and never had ambition for anything else, though I had a post-graduate degree and was on a path to become a journalist before I met my husband. This is what I was always meant to do and it is a divine calling & privilege!

Bonus: A homeschooling mom has a great comeback to the "wasting your education" comments. :)

Enjoy your precious darling!

I just stumbled across your blog and wanted to say thank you for posting about such a wonderful topic! I agree with you completely and I'm only 11 weeks pregnant! :) I can't wait to spend time with my little one and create those memories and moments that will change my life. Thanks again!