I was describing it (in tears) to someone as crisis after crisis. I felt like God would push me under the water to endure another trial, bring me up to catch my breath and let me relax just a tiny bit, and then say NOPE, back down you go. Like a pool bully-you know the one.
He wanted something for me I imagine-to morph me into someone new, but heck is that very very painful and honestly it almost killed me. I have mourned for my old life in many ways, where the biggest problem seemed to be what I was having for dinner, or that the garage door wouldn't work, or other trivial, or not so trivial but not so huge things that we could recover quickly from. I miss that girl. But I also know that I life is about changing and growing and breaking open and healing and blooming again. My faith is SO much stronger than it has ever been and the love for my family-for my husband, my children, and my parents, along with extended family is deeper than ever. And friendships were forged during my late 40's that I will forever ever treasure dearly.
Jeff threw me a huge surprise party and pampered me all week. I loved all the gifts and celebrations and the kids being all in town. And the cake! Look at this thing! Friends and family helped to make it extra special.
I am LUCKY to turn 50. Some do not get the gift of another year. I am lucky to be here today. I am lucky to have the deep authentic love my husband and I share and to have all my children here and healthy. I am incredibly lucky to have a warm and cozy home, and money to afford so many things. I am grateful to have my health-to have eyes and ears and to taste and smell, and to be able to take walks and not spend so many hours in doctor's offices. I am so lucky that my chemo worked. I am lucky to have my family here with me and to have quiet evenings of closeness and laughter and yes, homework arguments and bedtime arguments and meal clean-up and laundry and boys riding scooters in the house and everything else that makes a home a home.
I love my life-with all the mountains and I also love the valleys of beautiful wildflowers and easy terrain (God did you hear that?).
I am incredibly grateful to have the upbringing I have had. I have said to my parents many times this year "Thank you for making me haul in firewood in the winter" and I mean it. And thank you for making me clean out the awful chicken coop, and thank you for raising me so simply without many material things so I know what is important in life. Thank you for cultivating a love of books and knowledge. Thank you for working so so hard for me so that I had the example of what sacrifice really is. Thank you for letting me see you persevere during your own crisis in life so that I know it is possible to come down the other side. Thank for so much for passing on your faith and cementing in me at a young age that there is more to life, something much much bigger, than "me". Perseverance, reverence, resilience, gratefulness, simplicity....the gifts I was blessed with as a child and adult go on and on from the upbringing they provided me.
So here is to 50! I am grateful and excited.
Happy happy birthday Sarah! I can't believe you're 50, you are seriously so youthful and beautiful inside and out.
ReplyDeleteYour blog has blessed me over and over as a new mom years ago and now with a 12 year old in the mix heading into the crazy teens. We are blessed as your readers, and I hope you continue to pop in and write as you can. May God bless you immensely in this new decade and beyond!
ReplyDeleteSincerely, Christi King (Atlanta, GA)
Happy birthday! Thanks be to God for one more year of life! (My mother in law always said that on our birthdays, and now that she's gone, I do the same!) Thank you for blessing us readers with your wisdom and faith.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday, Sarah!! You are a treasure.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, Sarah! I am so grateful for you and your thoughts and example that you share here. God bless this new decade!
ReplyDeleteMy diagnosis came at age 47. I was not expected to reach 50. I did, and it changed my outlook on so.many.things. I know you understand. I, too, am so grateful for my upbringing, and the faith my parents passed on to me. I'll turn 54 in December! I'll never complain about getting older again!!!
ReplyDeleteMy story is at CancerRiot (at) blogspot.com if you're interested in the many times I, too, was pushed under again and again.
Happy Birthday, Sarah!! You are an inspiration! I am sure your family is so glad you were born...and so are your readers!
ReplyDeleteMy brother-in-law is 43 and has leukemia. He just had a bone marrow transplant and things look really good so far, but is hard work for him to heal and he almost didn't make it last fall when he got a lung infection and his system was wiped out from the chemo. My husband is flying to CA to take care of his little brother next week as he continues to recover. You brought me to tears with this post and I love how you summed up your gratefulness to be alive. This is a beautiful tribute to life and all that is good! Thank you for sharing and reminding us all how very precious life is. I am going to share this on facebook because it is worth reading. Faith from homeecathome.com
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, what a lovely post. So important to be thankful for everything we have. Today I’m painting ceilings and trim in my house and it’s not my favourite job, but thankful I have a home and a body well enough to paint. I join the 50 club in 2 weeks.
ReplyDeleteHappy Happy Birthday!!
ReplyDeleteA very happy 50th birthday- I am so thankful you are healthy and sharing your wisdom and experience with us - you remain my favorite voice in the internet/blogging space and I am so very grateful for you and this space.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful heartfelt post. I wish you a happy happy birthday!! Fifty years young with a lifetime ahead of you!!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday friend💕
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, dear Sarah! xo
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post of gratitude and love! Happy Birthday, dear Sarah!!
ReplyDeleteHappy 50th Birthday, Sarah.
ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration!!!
Happy Birthday! Thank you for sharing your life on this blog. You often help me to stop and look at the big picture. Hope this year is a wonderful one!
ReplyDeleteHappy happy birthday!!! Your words of wisdom go straight to my heart. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday Sarah and welcome to the club! Thank you for the gift of this beautiful post!
ReplyDeleteBirthday blessings to you Sarah. I have been following your blog for years maybe close to the beginning. It's so strange that now when I share something you have wrote with my husband all I have to say is you know Sarah from Cloverlane and my husband knows who I'm talking about. The age we now live in! I too join the 50 club this year and am so grateful for my mountains and valleys that always lead me closer to Christ. Loving and learning so much about my Catholic faith. Cheers to 50 and cheers to you and your beautiful blog!
ReplyDeleteHappy 50th Birthday!! May God and the Blessed Mother shower you and your family with blessings and grace.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday! So grateful for you sharing your wisdom and observations on this blog.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Sarah !!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy you are alive to celebrate this birthday! YOU are a gift to so many, me included, and I will forever be grateful for your wisdom and down-to-earth-ness (if that’s a word) and your ability to find joy in simplicity.
ReplyDeleteWhat a blessing it is to grow older. Many do not have the gift of another year of aches and pains and wrinkles and homework arguments and meal cleanup and laundry and everything else. Lifebis beautiful - and HARD. But mostly beautiful.
Happiest of birthdays to you, Sarah!! Rejoicing with you at the miracle of another year of life! Praying God blesses this coming decade with many beautiful, life giving experiences.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Sarah. I don’t think you are lucky I think you are blessed!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Sarah! Lovely, spot on post, as always. Wishing you All Good Things. :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! Happy Birthday.
ReplyDeleteThose books that you love....the historical type of stories of people who have endured and overcome very tough times probably helped prepare you for what you have gone through as well. I like those stories as well and I do believe they help me. They make me grateful for all of my comforts through hard times and help me to realize I am probably stronger than I know.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday Sarah! Hope it was a great day, and so happy you still get on here from time to time to be inspired! Have a wonderful and blessed year! You deserve it! xoxo
ReplyDeleteRose
Happy belated birthday Sarah! I too had a birthday in March (45 for me)and I agree that every birthday is a gift. I hope to have at least 45 more! Thank you for your beautifully written post and once again for sharing your life with all of your readers. :)
ReplyDeleteHappiest of Birthdays to you, Sarah! As always, beautiful reminders of the important things in life!
ReplyDeleteI found your blog 5 years ago, when I was 42.... and have appreciated your wisdom and encouragement and perspective. Then I returned to work FT, and barely visited blogs. But I did pop in and see that you had cancer. So sorry for all the struggles you had to experience, but I can totally relate to how you described your 40's. And I am asking God also, for that restful place, the easy terrain. He is doing a work in me, but it is not the refining that I would chose (who would? it hurts). Thank you for sharing your stories, your burdens, your joys and the hope that you have. Happy 50th. :-)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Sarah
ReplyDeleteQuite a bit late, but happy birthday! The way you described the trials of your late 40s as being pushed under water over and over made me think of a beautiful song with a similar analogy that I heard last night. Here's the link if you'd like to check it out: https://youtu.be/14214ubV7bA ❤️
ReplyDeleteHappy belated birthday Sarah. This post was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Your blog is my happy place, my refuge, my comfort. So grateful that you chose to share your life with all of us.
ReplyDelete